Shocking “President Exempt” Edition: Trump Buys Greenland (Again?), Skips Sentencing, and Secures Victory

Welcome back to the Transitionarium.

It’s January 6, 2025—a day that used to be infamous, but now is suspiciously calm here in the Transitionarium, where President-elect Donald Trump gleefully basks in his certified victory.

On Capitol Hill, Vice President Kamala Harris just confirmed his 312-electoral-vote landslide, complete with zero riots, zero chaos—go figure. 

Meanwhile, Trump still insists he’s going to buy Greenland and Canada, and has declared himself immune from Manhattan sentencing because he was “President of the Trump Organization.” As if that’s a thing. 

The Peaceful Certification (No, Really)

The joint session of Congress was downright serene. Vice President Harris gamely announced Trump’s 312 to her 226, giving him a decisive win.

No chants, no barricades, no roving buffalo-horned protestors. Just polite applause, like they were awarding a big golf trophy.

I lingered in the hallway to see if anyone would object—crickets. Staffers flashed relieved smiles: “We’ll take calm for once.”

Trump strutted around the Transitionarium afterwards, boasting, “See? Peaceful. Everyone loves me now.”

Staffers smirked behind gold-trimmed face masks, because, well, we’d seen the meltdown potential if it had gone sideways.

“Presidential Exemption” (Wait, What?)

After the hush money fiasco with Stormy Daniels, a Manhattan judge refused to delay Trump’s sentencing. It’s still set for January 10, a mere whisker before Inauguration Day.

The judge basically promised him a free pass—no jail, no fines, no probation. You’d think he’d be thrilled. Nope. He’s fuming.

“I’m not even going to court!” Trump bellowed in the corridor, waving a random pamphlet titled Presidential Immunities.

“Because I was President of the Trump Organization. Congress said ‘Presidents are exempt from laws,’ right? That’s me. Twice, maybe thrice over!”

His lawyers facepalmed in unison. One aide asked, “But sir, that’s not how it works—” Trump cut him off with a dramatic hush.

“Ex-Presidents of any type get a pass. Look it up!” No one wants to be the one to correct him.

Another staffer quietly asked me, “Should we text the judge? Or just watch the chaos unfold?”

Greenland & Canada: “I’ll Buy ’Em Both!”

As if the hush money drama wasn’t enough, Trump waltzed into a mid-morning briefing still on about purchasing Greenland.

He’s ranting about how the “previous fiasco” didn’t pan out just because Denmark was “in denial” (yes, that’s exactly what he said). Now he’s doubling down, insisting Greenland should join the U.S. “for its own good.”

But wait, there’s more. He also claims he’ll buy Canada—like it’s a plush toy at a Trump Tower gift shop.

He eyed a map, jabbing at Ottawa with a Sharpie. “We’ll just add it—maybe call it Northern MAGA Land. They’re basically ours anyway, right?”

Meanwhile, Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau, just resigned amid turmoil over Trump’s threatened tariffs, effectively turning the Great White North’s leadership into a vacuum.

Trump sees an opening. “No leader, no problem. I’ll buy the place cheap.”

Staffers are quietly dying inside. One quipped, “Is he going to rename Niagara Falls the ‘Trump Cascade?’”

The “Fake News” Tariff Shift

Rumors swirl that Trump’s big blanket tariffs might get scaled back to a targeted approach on certain “critical” goods.

Insiders say he’s shifting from the “tariff all the things!” stance to a more precise “tariff that one thing!” approach.

But publicly? Trump denies it.

“No changes! Total taxes on imports! Fake News!” Then he storms off to tweet about how everyone’s lying except him.

Canada’s Fallout

No surprise that after years of unpredictability from Washington, Canada’s government is in meltdown mode.

Trudeau’s resignation is apparently linked to panic over looming Trump tariffs (and, let’s be honest, the buyout talk can’t be reassuring).

Now Canadians face an uncertain future: possible absorption by the U.S.? A rebranded maple-leaf-with-eagle hybrid flag?

I overheard one staffer ask, “So do we just walk in there? Or do we do a big unveiling? ‘Ta-da, you’re now part of America’?”

Reality Check in the Transitionarium

Between sentencing stunts, tariff whiplash, and annexation fantasies, the place feels like a big golden snow globe of confusion.

Yet Trump struts around, absolutely sure he’s unstoppable now that Congress certified him.

One of his lawyers quietly texted me, “If he actually skips sentencing, can the judge just… do nothing?” My guess is we’re about to find out.

Will Trump actually boycott that Manhattan courtroom next week? 

Will Denmark or Canada sell out to his so-called “Northern MAGA Land?” 

And do we call him “President-Elect or President Exempt?” 

The staff is either too scared or too exhausted to question any of it. We’re just bracing for January 10.

If there’s any lesson here, it’s that in Trump World, laws bend, maps are optional, and entire countries can be purchased on a whim—at least in his mind. 

So tune in next time for the “Where Did We Stash Canada?” fiasco or the “Greenland Auction Auctioneer” meltdown. 

Because in the Transitionarium, the confusion never stops.

Yours in hush money free passes and imaginary real estate deals,

The Anonymous Transitionarium Insider