Shocking Monday Meltdown: Trump’s Deportation D-Day, “Repatriating” the Panama Canal, and a Reality TV Royal Showdown

I’m currently hiding behind a life-size candy-cane display here in the Transitionarium as President-elect Donald Trump hollers about “Christmas justice” and “taking back what’s ours.”

It’s December 23, 2024, and you’d think the festive wreaths might calm everyone down—but no.

Over the weekend, Trump dropped enough bombshells to power a Times Square marquee.

So, before the jingle bells drown out reason completely, here’s your chaotic holiday rundown:

1. The Biggest “Gift”: Mass Deportation Plan

At Turning Point Action’s AmericaFest in Arizona, Trump stunned the crowd by pledging the “largest deportation operation in American history,” set to begin on January 20, 2025—the moment he reclaims the Oval Office.

He’s tapped Tom Homan (the same ICE boss from the old days) to lead this effort.

Staffers keep whispering, “So much for Silent Night,” while we brace for an avalanche of logistical nightmares.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

2. Panama Canal: “We’re Taking It Back”

Swaying from a faux Christmas tree in the lobby, I overheard Trump rant that the Panama Canal is “rightfully ours” and threatened a swift “repatriation” if Panama doesn’t slash its canal tolls and boot out any Chinese influence.

“We built it, we want it back,” he declared. Rumor has it he’s drafting an executive order titled “Operation Waterway Homecoming.”

Some staffer joked we’ll need Santa’s sleigh to ferry the Canal bricks back. Another staffer corrected him that the Canal isn’t exactly “movable.”

I had to stifle laughter. But in Trump World, logic is optional.

3. Mark Burnett’s Royal Reality Tour

The weekend’s final curveball: Trump named Mark Burnett, producer of “The Apprentice,” as Special Envoy to the UK.

The official line?

“Stronger ties and cultural exchanges.”

The inside scoop?

Prepare for the biggest reality show on Earth—think the Queen’s Jubilee meets American Idol with Buckingham Palace as the stage.

Word is, Burnett wants to launch a “London Spectacular,” featuring bagpipers, Union Jack confetti, and maybe an “Apprentice: Royal Edition.”

The staff rolls their eyes, but Trump’s gleeful: “The Brits love a good pageant. Now they’ll get the best one ever.”

Holiday Havoc in the Transitionarium

This morning, Trump paraded around the halls humming “Deck the Halls” while brandishing documents labeled “Deportation Day One” and “Panama Canal Restoration.”

He’s even talking about a celebratory reenactment—“like a Boston Tea Party, but with canal water.”

I overheard aides frantically calling the State Department: “Um, how do we politely tell other nations we’re reacquiring their infrastructure?” Good luck.

Meanwhile, staffers are still reeling from the Burnett fiasco.

One joked, “Will King Charles have to say ‘You’re Fired’ at some point?”

Another mused that Burnett might stage a live British Crown cameo while Trump waves from a double-decker bus. The potential for cringe is off the charts—and we’re out of popcorn.

Looking Ahead

As we inch closer to Christmas, there’s no sign of a holiday truce.

Instead, we’re expecting:

• Deportation D-Day Prep: ICE might skip the eggnog for multi-state planning sessions.

• Canal Conflict: Is a lawsuit next? A “Panama Clause” for the holidays?

• UK Reality Extravaganza: Could Burnett script a “Trump meets King” pilot?

All I can say is, tune in next time.

Here in the Transitionarium, normal is for amateurs, logic is for losers, and we’re just hoping the gingerbread cookies survive the week.

Who needs “Peace on Earth” when you have “Repatriate the Canal” stamped all over your gift list?

Yours in chaotic caroling and maritime mania,
The Anonymous Transitionarium Insider