Shocking Midweek Bombshell: Trump’s Dockworker Diss, “Special Emissions” Envoy, and Drone Delusions

I’m huddled behind a marble pillar in the Transitionarium, watching President-elect Donald Trump snicker at the very dockworkers who just sang his praises.

On the record, he applauded their grit; off the record, he’s calling them “idiots,” sneering that America doesn’t need imports anyway.

“Cranes can do that job. Plus, Made in USA fixes everything,” he muttered between sips of Diet Coke.

ABC Settlement: Quiet Victory, Loud Plans

Earlier, we had a fleeting moment of calm when the news broke about Trump’s $15 million settlement with ABC News. That defamation lawsuit, sparked by George Stephanopoulos’ inaccurate statements about E. Jean Carroll, ended with an apology—and a giant check aimed at Trump’s future presidential library.

Trump grinned, scribbling ideas in a gold notebook labeled “Library Plans.” He wants a dedicated wing titled “How to Sue and Win Big.”

Dockworker Double-Cross

But let’s circle back to the International Longshoremen’s Association. Dennis Daggett left the meeting beaming, praising Trump’s pro-worker stance on automation.

Little does Daggett know, moments after he left, Trump muttered, “They’re too dumb to see the future. Cranes do half their jobs already—why not a hundred percent?”

The staffers traded uncomfortable glances; typical Trump, who famously claims he’s “fighting for workers” while rolling his eyes at them backstage.

Envoy for Special… Emissions?

Then there’s Richard Grenell. Officially named “U.S. Envoy for Special Missions,” but Trump’s sly grin suggests a rebrand: “Envoy for Special Emissions.”

He joked that Grenell’s top priorities include “tamping down wild talk with North Korea and traveling to Russia to check out their great bathrooms.”

Yes, you read that right.

Trump raved about bathroom luxury in the Kremlin—apparently, that’s top-notch diplomacy 2.0.

Drones and Inaugural Fireworks

The press can’t stop hounding him about the mysterious drones buzzing around New York, New Jersey, and Maryland.

Trump brushed them off, claiming they’re part of a grand plan to light up his name in the sky for the inauguration. “Big drone show,” he said conspiratorially, “and definitely not my very big friends in Iran. They wouldn’t do that unless I asked them.”

The Pentagon keeps insisting there’s zero evidence of foreign espionage, but inside these walls, it’s anyone’s guess.

CNN in the Crosshairs

Meanwhile, the President-elect has scribbled “Sue CNN next???” in thick Sharpie on a whiteboard titled “Enemies.” He’s fuming that they still exist to critique him, apparently. “They’re not even a real network.

Maybe I’ll bankrupt them by next year,” he bragged to an intern who just nodded solemnly and skittered away.

Coming Up Next

Will Grenell give out free toilet reviews in Pyongyang?

Will the dockworkers discover Trump’s real thoughts on automation?

And might CNN face a fresh lawsuit because it keeps daring to report on Trump’s every move?

In the Transitionarium, logic is optional, contradictions reign, and the next scandal always lurks around the corner.

Yours in uneasy laughter and overhead crane conspiracies,
On-the-Ground Chronicler, Live from the Transitionarium