Episode 5: Mission Galactic Domination

The Trump-Musk alliance was in full swing, and Trump Tower was now more chaotic than ever.

The penthouse had been rebranded as the Intergalactic Command Center, complete with star charts, gold-dipped globes, and a model rocket bearing Trump’s face.

The latest mission?

Launching Mission Galactic Domination, a bold plan to secure Trump’s legacy—not just on Earth, but across the cosmos.

Elon’s Master Plan

At the center of it all was Elon Musk, perched on the armrest of Trump’s gold-plated throne-like chair. “Donald,” Elon began, his voice carrying the gravitas of a man who just invented an unnecessarily complex gadget. “We need to think bigger. Not just Earth. Not just Mars. I’m talking interdimensional voting rights.”

Trump nodded, pretending to understand. “You’re right, Elon. I’ve always said the aliens love me. They probably already consider me their leader.”

Eric Trump, sitting nearby in a Space Force uniform he definitely wasn’t authorized to wear, raised his hand. “Uh, do aliens have, like, elections?”

“They do now,” Trump said decisively. “And they’re going to be tremendous elections. No mail-in ballots, only space ballots. And you know what? I’m already ahead in the polls. Ask anyone.”

Elon smirked. “Don’t worry about the details, Eric. I’ll handle the tech. Neural links for every voter. We’ll call it… MAGA-net.”

Jared Kushner, looking slightly horrified, muttered, “Isn’t that how Skynet started?”

The Moon Rally Debacle

Trump decided his first move as “President of Earth and Candidate for Space” would be a campaign rally on the moon. “It’s going to be the biggest rally in history,” he declared, scribbling “Lunar MAGA” on a napkin. “No one’s ever had a moon rally before. I’m a pioneer!”

Rudy Giuliani, still sporting scorch marks from his failed Supreme Court arguments, volunteered to coordinate the event. “Don’t worry, I’ve got connections at NASA,” he said, mispronouncing it as “NAH-suh.”

The rally planning quickly spiraled out of control. Kimberly Guilfoyle insisted on adding pyrotechnics that would “outshine the sun.” Junior wanted moon-themed merch, including red MAGA helmets with oxygen tanks.

Eric, eager to contribute, suggested adding a popcorn machine to the spacecraft. This time, no one bothered to respond.

Testing the Rocket

When the prototype for the rally rocket, dubbed The Trump One, was unveiled, it was everything you’d expect: shiny, unnecessarily large, and painted gold with Trump’s face emblazoned on the side.

Elon conducted the test launch personally, inviting the team to watch from a safe distance—or what he called “safe” as Rudy stood suspiciously close to the launch pad with a fire extinguisher.

Predictably, things went awry. The rocket lifted off with a thunderous roar… only to sputter and veer sideways, crashing into a nearby dumpster labeled “Recycled Campaign Promises.”

“I blame windmills,” Trump said immediately. “Everyone knows they’re sabotaging the atmosphere.”

International Backlash

While the rocket fiasco dominated headlines, world leaders were less than thrilled about Trump’s self-declared “President of Earth” title. French President Emmanuel Macron called it “an insult to global cooperation.” Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau rolled his eyes during a press conference, while Vladimir Putin reportedly just laughed and opened a bottle of vodka.

Unfazed, Trump doubled down. “These leaders are jealous,” he tweeted. “They know I’m the best thing to happen to Earth since Earth was invented. Elon agrees. So do the aliens!”

The Martian Announcement

Not to be deterred by Earthly critics, Trump pivoted to a new plan: announcing his candidacy for President of Mars.

“NASA’s already got rovers up there,” he reasoned. “I’ll be the first politician to visit. It’s a genius move. Tremendous.”

Ivanka, always the diplomat, suggested they focus on branding. “We should call it ‘Trump Mars Initiative,’” she said. “It’ll look great on merch.”

Junior immediately chimed in. “Can we make ‘Martian MAGA’ hats? Maybe green?”

Rudy, meanwhile, tried to convince the team that Martian soil could be legally classified as American territory. “I’ve been studying this,” he claimed, holding up what appeared to be a child’s science fair project.

The Teaser: Galactic Summit

As the episode closed, Trump unveiled plans for a Galactic Leadership Summit to cement his authority across the cosmos. “We’re inviting everyone,” he announced. “World leaders, alien leaders, Elon’s robot army—everyone’s coming to Trump Tower. It’s going to be tremendous.”

Will the aliens RSVP? Can Rudy survive another rocket test? And will Eric ever get his popcorn machine into space?

Stay tuned for Episode 6: “Trump Tower Goes Intergalactic,” where Trump’s team prepares for a star-studded summit, complete with zero-gravity catering, interplanetary lawsuits, and the return of Sidney Powell’s panda conspiracy.

Signing off from the Intergalactic Command Center—until next time.