Episode 28: Statehood Jokes, Scandalous Ambassadors, and Shuffling RNC Chairs

December 11, 2024, landed in the Transitionarium with all the grace of a drunk Santa swinging a sack of half-baked ideas.

By lunchtime, we’d watched Trump dole out ambassador slots like holiday gift cards, half-joke about annexing Canada (note to future diplomats: humor doesn’t always translate), and grimace at a fresh round of legal grenades tossed at his legal team.

Just another day at the office—if your office is a political circus tent.

Part 1: Greece, Meet Guilfoyle—Oops, Ex-Guilfoyle?

The big headline?

Kimberly Guilfoyle got tapped as ambassador to Greece.

The gossip rags exploded: after all, Guilfoyle wasn’t just a political fundraiser and ex-Fox News host, she also had a past as a Victoria’s Secret model. Classy, glamorous, and… suddenly thrust into the realm of ancient ruins and diplomatic protocols.

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, for starters, her fiancé, Donald Trump Jr., had apparently become her ex-fiancé overnight.

Rumor had it they’d had a shouting match about something involving smoked olives and Instagram filters.

By the time her appointment was announced, she was no longer “attached” to Don Jr., which gave the whole “ambassadorial selection” a weird post-breakup aftertaste.

The staff whispered: Did Trump know they split, or was he trying to patch things up with an all-expenses-paid diplomatic adventure in Athens?

Regardless, the ancient Greeks were about to get a crash course in modern melodrama.

Part 2: Another Crony for Turkey

Meanwhile, Tom Barrack, a long-time Trump confidant and private equity impresario, scored the envoy gig in Turkey. Maybe Trump figured Barrack’s party-hosting skills would charm Erdogan.

In the Transitionarium, we made bets on how long it would take before Turkish newspapers ran headlines like “US Ambassador Hosts All-Night Yacht Gala—Negotiations Achieved Through Champagne?”

Part 3: RNC Twister

Trump also decided to shuffle the Republican National Committee leadership. Out went Lara Trump (eyeing a Senate seat in Florida), and in came KC Crosbie as co-chair.

At this point, the RNC had become a sort of Trump Family & Friends Talent Show. Rumor had it that next time, a third cousin twice removed might get tapped to run the Federal Reserve—because why not?

We laughed (or cried) quietly as political office became one big extended family reunion, except the potato salad was replaced by foreign policy cables and insider trading accusations.

Part 4: Canada’s Accidental Annexation

Just when we thought we’d hit our daily limit of absurdity, the wires buzzed with reports that Trump suggested to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that Canada might consider becoming America’s 51st state.

Was he kidding?

Did a stray shrimp cocktail at Mar-a-Lago inspire imperial dreams?

Nobody knew.

Trudeau’s reaction remained unrecorded—probably because he was too busy choking on his maple-glazed skepticism.

Staffers in the Transitionarium slapped their foreheads. Another “joke” that might need an apology tour.

Next thing you know, CNN would run polls: “Is Canada Next?” This might’ve sounded funny if we hadn’t spent the last few months living in a punchline.

Part 5: Legal Fireworks in Wisconsin

To top it all off, Wisconsin prosecutors lobbed 10 new felony charges at Trump’s attorneys Jim Troupis, Kenneth Chesebro, and aide Mike Roman. Allegedly, they conspired to say Trump won in 2020—because why accept defeat when you can embrace felony territory? The Transitionarium staff, already juggling diplomatic debacles, now had to brace for another round of finger-pointing and “no comment” marathons.

Jared dusted off the old “Our legal team eagerly awaits exoneration” script, while Kellyanne tried to spin these charges as “enthusiasm misinterpreted.”

We’d heard it all before.

Part 6: Coming Attractions

By nightfall, the halls hummed with exhaustion and disbelief. Guilfoyle’s Greek ambassadorship, coming fresh off a relationship meltdown, was the day’s standout story—part reality TV, part geopolitical gamble.

The Canada joke still echoed in corridors, and everyone awaited tomorrow’s fresh outrage like kids waiting for a twisted Santa to drop lumps of chaos down the chimney.

Would Trump propose building a Trojan Horse for Greece’s reception ceremony? Would Barrack rename Istanbul’s Grand Bazaar “Trump Market”? Who knew?

In the Transitionarium, we’d given up guessing. We’d just show up tomorrow, hang on tight, and watch the show continue to outdo itself.

Yours in perpetual disbelief and cross-continental confusion,
Ambassador Auditioner and Cross-Border Chaos Conductor