Episode 27: Fight, Fight, Fight (For the Gas Trucks)

If anyone in the Transitionarium thought things would settle down, they’ve clearly not been paying attention.

It’s December 9, 2024, and the swirl of Trump’s second coming has hit a new crescendo.

Before lunchtime, he’s nominated new appointees, scrapped a $3 billion green project, launched a fragrance, and tried to leverage a presidential pardon as legal precedent—all without breaking a sweat.

Part 1: Scent of a Power Play

The day began with a jolt—literally.

A gaggle of interns sprinted through the halls shouting, “He did it! He took over their fragrance!”

Turns out Trump had commandeered Rudy and Melania’s delicate Eau de Winning concept and rebranded it as “Fight Fight Fight.”

The name alone set the tone. Gone were the subtle citrus notes and whispered rumors of “Victory Mist.”

Instead, the marketing materials promised bold scents of leather, gunmetal, and maybe a hint of steakhouse cologne—an olfactory blend befitting a holiday season defined by clenched fists and triumphant smirks.

I watched from a distance as Melania and Rudy, looking shell-shocked, hovered in the Aesthetic Crisis Suite.

The duo had vanished into that room countless times to conjure up aromatic masterpieces and bizarre branding strategies.

Now they stared at promo posters featuring Trump’s face, jaw squared, announcing the fragrance: “Fight Fight Fight—For Winners Only.”

Rudy mumbled something about “intellectual property rights,” while Melania crossed her arms and studied the poster as if memorizing every line of Trump’s smug grin.

Part 2: Meet the New Power Players

As we processed the fragrance fiasco, more news trickled in. Trump had tapped Alina Habba as Counselor to the President. Habba, known for her fierce loyalty and knack for turning legal quandaries into rhetorical flourishes, seemed a perfect fit for Trump’s inner circle.

Christopher Landau, former Ambassador to Mexico, was now Deputy Secretary of State—maybe a nod to experience, or maybe just another wild card in a deck filled with unexpected faces.

Then came the whispers that Kari Lake, once an Arizona news anchor and later an inflammatory congressional candidate, was at the top of the list for U.S. Ambassador to Mexico.

After Landau’s new gig, this seemed like Trump’s way of doubling down on border narratives. Staffers swapped knowing looks. Mexico again. Always Mexico.

Part 3: Policy Pivots and Gas Guzzlers

Trump’s policy flex of the day? Axing the U.S. Postal Service’s $3 billion EV initiative. “No more electric trucks,” he reportedly proclaimed, “I like the roar of an engine. It says power.” Kellyanne and Jared tried to spin this as “economically sound,” while Eric mouthed “Polar bears?” at me in confusion.

The environmental implications were staggering, and the symbolism blatant: Trump’s America runs on gas, not green dreams.

Outside the Transitionarium, environmental groups howled. Inside, the staff pretended not to hear.

One intern asked if we might at least put a pine-scented air freshener in the mail trucks for a festive touch. Ivanka shook her head slowly.

Part 4: Legal Alchemy

As if to complete the day’s absurd circle, Trump’s legal team filed a motion to dismiss his hush money case.

Their argument?

President Biden’s recent pardon of Hunter Biden should set a “precedent.”

If a president’s son can get a pardon, why not interpret that as a get-out-of-jail-free card for Trump himself?

The logic was twisted enough to tie even the most flexible legal minds in knots.

In the Transitionarium’s makeshift law library (a broom closet with a laptop), Jared sighed at the motion’s PDF. “They’re really going for it,” he murmured, flipping between news clippings and old legal texts. “I mean, Hunter Biden’s pardon isn’t even related to hush money. Apples and oranges.”

But who cared about logic?

This was about giving the legal system another test of tensile strength.

Would it bend or snap under the weight of outlandish arguments?

Part 5: Holiday Spirit (Or Something Like It)

As the day drew to a close, the halls echoed with holiday tunes—handpicked by Eric, who thought Christmas classics might soften the blow of everything else going on.

Staffers shuffled about with forced smiles.

Tomorrow might bring announcements of Martian embassies, or a giant Bible-and-ice border wall. We’d gotten used to this rollercoaster.

Trump, meanwhile, was in the spotlight, showing off “Fight Fight Fight” in a glossy promotional video.

He encouraged supporters to spray it liberally during family gatherings, campaign rallies, and holiday dinners.

Nothing says Christmas like a scent that screams “We’re back and we’re fighting!”

In a corner, Melania watched quietly.

Was she plotting a counter-fragrance?

Rudy fiddled with his phone, maybe updating his website to sell off old stock of the previous perfume line.

Part 6: Coming Attractions

As we turned off the overhead lights and powered down laptops, the weight of another surreal day settled in.

New appointees poised to influence U.S. diplomacy, a U-turn on environmental policy, a perfume with a name that sounded like a boxing chant, and a legal strategy that bordered on fantasy.

In the Trump Tower Transitionarium, chaos remains the only constant.

Tomorrow, who knows?

Maybe we’ll be treated to a cologne sequel—“Win Win Win”—or a policy shift turning libraries into casinos.

No prediction is too outlandish.

For now, we breathe in the acrid scent of “Fight Fight Fight,” nod at one another, and brace for the next round.

Yours in pungent paradoxes and perpetual policy pivots,
Fragrance Compliance Officer and Cabinet Chaos Chronicler