Episode 25: Crypto Conflict and the Convict Crew

If we thought we’d seen every angle of Trump’s world—walls made of Bibles, Greenland relocation fantasies, perfumed cranberry sauce—today delivered a fresh jolt of anxiety.

Rumors swirled that the President-elect was about to announce a groundbreaking “Crypto Renaissance.”

Meanwhile, word slipped out that a new advisory circle would include some of the most notorious names in finance, law, and lobbying—many with rap sheets as long as a recession.

Part 1: The Crypto Coup

The Transitionarium’s Golden Briefing Atrium was abuzz with contradictory whispers: Trump was allegedly plotting a national Bitcoin reserve, planning to loosen regulations on cryptocurrencies, and maybe even launching a stablecoin backed by “Trumpian Trust.”

Amid this chatter, staffers scrolled through news reports about Chinese crypto entrepreneur Justin Sun’s $30 million investment in a wobbly crypto firm—World Liberty Financial—that just so happened to be partnered with Trump’s new venture.

This conveniently pushed Trump over a threshold to profit, potentially netting him $20 million or more.

“Isn’t that, like, blatantly suspicious?” an intern murmured to Kellyanne Conway.
Kellyanne gave a tight-lipped smile and whispered, “Suspicious is the new normal.”

Meanwhile, Jared Kushner hovered over spreadsheets, muttering about token liquidity and foreign money flows. Ivanka discreetly Googled “emoluments clause” for the hundredth time this month.

Eric shrugged helplessly, scribbling “Crypto = Magic Money?” on a notepad.

Part 2: Ethical Alarm Bells

From the staff lounge came a chorus of sighs. We’d just been reading expert commentary, including ethics lawyers and professors who painted a bleak picture of how easy it now was for foreign and domestic players to funnel money into Trump’s orbit. Book a few hotel rooms?

That was yesterday’s game. Today, you just dump a few million into a crypto firm tied to Trump, and voilà—favor earned. The complexity of these digital assets made everything murkier, quieter, and more difficult to track.

In a corner, Kellyanne tried to spin it: “President-elect Trump loves innovation. Crypto is the future. And he’s not in it for money—he’s a billionaire who gave up his salary, remember?” Her voice had that forced cheeriness that said even she wasn’t buying her own script.

Part 3: Assembling the Ex-Convict Elite

Just as we were struggling to digest the crypto angle, another bombshell dropped. The President-elect was building a “special advisory team” to guide his crypto and financial policies.

The shortlist included several ex-convicts—white-collar criminals who’d once run Ponzi schemes, hedge fund managers who had pleaded out of fraud charges, and disgraced lobbyists with a habit of “losing” important documents. Throw in a couple of “currently indicted but not yet convicted” financiers, and you had a Dream Team of Dubiousness.

We whispered behind the potted palms: “Is he deliberately courting controversy? Maybe he wants advisors who ‘know the system’ from the inside?”
Eric tried to rationalize it: “At least they have experience?”
Jared rolled his eyes, “Experience at what? Evading the law?”
Ivanka kept a diplomatic silence.

Part 4: An Audience With the Boss

Trump strode into the Deciderium, tie swaying proudly. “We’re going big on crypto, folks!” he announced, ignoring the staff’s collective grimace. “Regulations are going to get streamlined—no more nonsense. We’ll have a national Bitcoin reserve, hedged with the best stablecoins, all advised by people who know how to make deals. Winners, not losers.”

Someone dared mention Justin Sun’s suspicious investment and ongoing fraud charges in the US. Trump waved it off. “Fake news. He’s a great guy, very smart, just misunderstood. People said the same about me, you know. And look at me now—President-elect again, bigly.”

Kellyanne cleared her throat, “But sir, won’t people say this is just a way to enrich yourself?”

Trump scoffed. “I’m enriching America, Kellyanne. Crypto is freedom. And freedom is profit. Besides, I’ve been knighted twice by the Queen—does that not speak to my integrity?”

We all stifled groans at the recycled knighthood claim, but who had the energy to argue?

Part 5: The World Watching

Outside the Transitionarium, reporters hollered questions about conflicts of interest, about foreign money influencing US policy through digital tokens.

They asked about criminal advisors and how this would look to America’s allies. The answer came in the form of a prepared statement from Trump’s team: “President Trump stands for innovation and opportunity. Critics are just jealous.”

No mention of ethics, no hint of reconsideration.

Part 6: Coming Attractions

As the day wound down, the staff drifted away from the Deciderium, exhausted. What would tomorrow bring? A crypto-themed inaugural ball? A new “Wall of Coin” to pair with the Bible barricade idea? The “Convict Cabinet” advising on fiscal stimulus packages?

We had no answers, just a growing sense that the line between public service and personal profit had melted faster than ice in the Greenland fantasy. In Trump’s America 2.0, cryptocurrency and ex-convict councils were just another day.

Yours in digital dismay and ethically exhausted astonishment,
Blockchain Bureaucrat Wrangler and Conflict-of-Interest Cartographer