Episode 16: The Case That Wasn’t

There are big days in Trump Tower Transitionarium—and then there are Trump Big Days, where the chaos crescendos into something so absurd that even Rudy Giuliani pauses mid-sip of his “Victory Juice” to marvel at the spectacle.

Today was one of those days …

News broke that Special Counsel Jack Smith had filed to drop the federal election interference case against Trump, and Judge Tanya Chutkan granted the motion.

The Transitionarium immediately erupted into a frenzy of back-patting, high-fiving, and hastily orchestrated celebrations, as if we’d just won the Super Bowl of Legal Exonerations.

Part 1: Trump Learns the News

It started with Trump in the Golden Briefing Atrium, mid-monologue about renaming the Atlantic Ocean to “Trump Waters,” when Jared Kushner rushed in with the news.

“Sir, it’s done. They dropped the case. You’re free to—”

“Free to WIN,” Trump interrupted, leaping from his chair like he’d just hit a hole-in-one at Mar-a-Lago. “Biggest victory of all time. People said it couldn’t be done. FAKE NEWS said it couldn’t be done. But me? I did it. Tremendous legal mind. Tremendous.”

The staff immediately launched into spontaneous applause, led by Eric Trump, who had brought a confetti cannon labeled Legal Eagle Celebrations just for the occasion.

Part 2: Rewriting History (Trump Style)

Trump wasted no time reframing the dropped case as a historic win. “This wasn’t just about me,” he declared, pacing dramatically in front of a gilded portrait of himself. “This was about democracy. This was about America. And, most importantly, this was about proving that I’m always right. Always.”

Kellyanne Conway suggested calling the moment “The Great Exoneration” and floated the idea of commissioning a commemorative statue. Jared, less enthusiastic, muttered something about “letting it cool down,” but Trump was already brainstorming slogans for the eventual plaque:

1. “They Came for Me, But I Won—For America.”

2. “Justice, Tremendous Justice, Has Been Served.”

3. “The Art of the Deal? More Like the Art of BEATING Jack Smith.”

Part 3: The Staff’s Reaction

The Transitionarium staff quickly swung into action. Interns were dispatched to update the Trump Success Tracker, which now featured a new section titled Cases Trump Has Beaten in glittery gold letters. Kellyanne led a brainstorming session on how to frame the case dismissal as both a heroic comeback story and a direct indictment of Biden’s presidency.

“Maybe we say this proves he’s scared of you?” she suggested.

“Scared? No, terrified,” Trump corrected. “Write that down. Terrified Biden. Weak Jack Smith. Big WINNING TRUMP. That’s the headline.”

Eric suggested live-tweeting a reenactment of the case featuring puppets, but Jared quickly vetoed the idea.

Part 4: The Speech That Shook the Transitionarium

By mid-afternoon, Trump was ready for his victory speech. Flanked by Melania (stunning as ever) and Rudy Giuliani (holding a mystery beverage), Trump addressed an adoring audience of staffers, press, and a suspicious number of Mar-a-Lago club members who had somehow found their way into the building.

“This case,” Trump began, “was a witch hunt. A disgrace. But guess what? The witch hunters lost. They’re the witches now. And me? I’m the hero. Some people say the greatest hero. Maybe even bigger than George Washington. But I’m humble, so I won’t say that. Others might. Tremendous win. Tremendous.”

The room erupted into applause as Rudy attempted to start a chant of “FOUR MORE YEARS,” though he got the timing wrong and ended up shouting it solo.

Part 5: Putin’s Curious Congratulations

As the festivities were in full swing, a message arrived from the Russian ambassador. It was, ostensibly, a congratulatory note from Putin. Trump beamed as he opened the envelope, but his expression quickly soured as he read the brief message aloud:

“Congrats on dodging the case, Comrade. But don’t forget—sometimes even gold flushes. ;)”

The room fell silent. Trump’s face turned a shade that could only be described as Diet Coke gray. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he hissed, gripping the note tightly.

Kellyanne, ever the spin master, quickly chimed in, “He’s obviously just admiring your durability, sir. Like, um, how toilets are durable. You know, strong. Reliable.”

Trump narrowed his eyes, muttering, “Strong like Trump. Reliable like Trump. Yeah, sure. Write that down.”

Part 6: Coming Attractions

The Transitionarium is now abuzz with whispers of Trump’s next move, rumored to include a massive rally in his honor featuring a live reenactment of The Great Exoneration performed by Broadway actors, MAGA-themed fireworks, and a Rudy Giuliani dunk tank for charity.

Meanwhile, Melania and Rudy have been spotted huddling in the Aesthetic Crisis Suite, reportedly working on a perfume named Victory Mist that smells like “freedom, gold, and maybe a little orange zest.”

Stay tuned, because in Trump World, even dropped cases turn into golden opportunities.

Yours in chaos and confetti,
Victory Spin Architect and Emergency Legal Applause Coordinator