Episode 13: Melania and Rudy’s Miracle Formula

It was another surreal day in the Trump Tower Transitionarium.

While most of the staff were consumed with Trump’s latest directive—“find a way to make handshakes more MAGA”—Melania and Rudy Giuliani had quietly retreated to the Aesthetic Crisis Suite, a room typically reserved for press-event emergencies and last-minute tie adjustments.

Their mission?

Create a product so groundbreaking, so revolutionary, it could only come from the Trump orbit: a multi-functional hair dye.

Part 1: The Birth of an Idea

The collaboration began innocently enough. Melania, tired of the constant odor of stress in the Transitionarium, reportedly quipped, “What if Rudy’s hair didn’t smell like desperation?” Rudy, always eager to impress, replied, “What if my hair didn’t sweat, either?”

From this spark, the dream was born: a 2-in-1 hair dye and perfume that stops you from sweating. Melania called it a chance to “redefine beauty,” while Rudy declared, “This could be bigger than Just for Men!”

Part 2: The Brainstorming Process

For days, Melania and Rudy huddled in the Aesthetic Crisis Suite, surrounded by a bizarre array of hair dye samples, perfume bottles, and beakers of mysterious liquids. Eric Trump, curious as ever, poked his head in once to ask, “Does it come in gold?” and was promptly shooed away.

The duo quickly got to work, testing scents and dye colors on a rotating lineup of interns. Reports indicate that early trials produced:

1. A deep mahogany color that smelled like wet pinecones.

2. A platinum blonde with a faint whiff of meatloaf (Rudy’s personal favorite).

3. A rich auburn infused with a scent Melania described as “hope, but make it expensive.”

Part 3: Naming the Miracle Dye

The real drama began when it came time to name their invention. The brainstorming session lasted 12 hours and included such gems as:

• "Sweat No More: The Rudy Touch"

• "Melania Mist" (rejected for sounding “too much like a weather event”)

• "Executive Glow"

• "Tough Locks, Tougher Scents"

• "TrumpFusion"

Melania eventually suggested “Confidence in a Bottle”, which Rudy countered with “Stop the Sweat”. They compromised on “Eau de Winning”, though this decision sparked a heated debate about whether it should include a Trump logo or Rudy’s face on the label.

Part 4: The Pitch to Trump

The duo unveiled their masterpiece during a meeting in the Golden Briefing Atrium, where Trump had been reviewing prototypes for his Statue of Liberty 2.0 project. Rudy began with an emotional speech about his struggles with sweating under pressure, describing the product as “a lifesaver for people who perspire under fake lights or during minor court appearances.”

Melania, ever poised, explained that the product was aimed at “people who want to smell like success and look like power.”

Trump, intrigued but skeptical, asked, “Does it come in MAGA Red?”

“Yes,” Rudy blurted, though no such formula existed—yet.

Part 5: Testing Chaos

Excitement over Eau de Winning quickly spread through the Transitionarium. Staffers lined up to test the product, resulting in a series of memorable incidents:

1. Jared Kushner’s hair briefly turned green, prompting him to mutter, “This is why I don’t take risks.”

2. Eric Trump accidentally spilled a sample on his tie, which then emitted a faint scent of cinnamon for hours.

3. One unlucky intern applied too much and was followed by a stray dog for three blocks.

Despite these setbacks, morale was high. “This is the kind of innovation America needs,” Trump declared, posing for a photo op with a bottle of Eau de Winning.

Part 6: The Future of Fragrance

As the product moves toward official launch, rumors abound about potential celebrity endorsements (Sean Spicer is reportedly “very interested”). Melania and Rudy are already discussing an expanded line, including:

• Victory Varnish: Hair gel for “unstoppable winners.”

• Liberty Locks: A patriotic color kit in red, white, and blue.

• Freedom Mist: A room spray that smells like “wealth and minimal accountability.”

Part 7: Coming Attractions

Back in the Transitionarium, Trump seems thrilled about the project’s potential. “It’s a winner,” he declared, tossing a bottle to an intern. “Big business. Big beauty. People love beauty. But don’t forget—this was my idea first.”

Next up? Melania and Rudy are rumored to be working on a scented MAGA hat line that “repels rain and criticism.” Meanwhile, I’m preparing for my new role as Eau de Winning’s Brand Ambassador, which mostly involves explaining to reporters why the dye temporarily turned the Hudson River a deep shade of mahogany.

Stay tuned, because in Trump World, even hair products are an adventure.

Yours in fragrance and fortitude,
Hair Innovation Liaison, Aroma Strategist, and Reluctant Dye Tester