“Bend the Knee” Special Edition: CEO Grovel-Fest at Mar-a-Lago

I’m tucked behind a palm tree in the Transitionarium—my new favorite hiding spot—trying not to snort as America’s top CEOs line up like obedient puppies at Mar-a-Lago.

These are billionaires who once whispered “Never again!” after Trump’s first term.

Now, they’re practically waltzing through gold-trimmed halls, fighting for the privilege of patting Trump on the back and complimenting his “innovative vision” (read: hoping he doesn’t tweet them into oblivion).

CEOs in a Conga Line of Compliments

First through the door yesterday: Netflix’s Ted Sarandos, longtime Democratic donor. He looked like a guy who’d accidentally wandered into the wrong frat party but forced a grin anyway.

Today, it’s Jeff Bezos’ turn—yes, the man who once backed Trump’s rivals is preparing a smile so wide it might break his billionaire face.

TikTok’s Shou Zi Chew came earlier this week, desperate to avoid a US ban. He probably brought a gift basket of video filters and viral dances.

They all say the same thing: “We love what you’re doing, Mr. President-elect! Such leadership!”

I half-expect someone to present Trump with a sash that reads “Best Boss Ever” in sequins.

Trump’s Backroom Roast Session

If these execs only knew what Trump says after they leave: “What choice do they have?” he told an aide last night.

“They want favors? They bend the knee.” He mimicked Sarandos’ anxious grin and called Bezos “Bozo” behind closed doors, snickering at how the Amazon mogul is now “begging for table scraps.”

For tech CEOs, he scoffed, “They’re drooling—maybe I’ll make them do a TikTok dance-off to keep their licenses.” If only Chew knew that’s a genuine possibility!

Showers, Gold, and Musk’s Price Tag

Elon Musk’s name comes up a lot, with the press convinced he’s Trump’s BFF.

Truth is, Trump’s so annoyed with Musk’s antics—like offering $100 million to meddle in British politics—that he joked he’d do it himself for half the price, “in cash, no receipts.”

He rolled his eyes: “Musk thinks we bond over gold shower doors? Please, I have better friends in the plumbing aisle at Home Depot.”

So much for that bromance.

Lobbyist Tutorials: Groveling 101

Nikki Haley (yeah, the former candidate) is now at Edelman telling CEOs: “Get in front of Trump. Compliment his tie. Say you love his border plans. Just smile and nod!”

One bank exec whispered to me that he’d rather shave his head than suck up, but hey, losing a few dignity points beats a Trump Twitter broadside any day.

Wall Street types are banking on Trump to toss out Biden’s rules, slash environmental regs, and basically let them do mergers with no questions asked.

The mood is: “We’re fawning now so we won’t be crying later.” Trump’s smug grin whenever he mentions this is blinding. I swear I saw him mouth “Dance, puppets, dance!” to himself.

Deals, Demands, and Dance-Offs

With so many CEOs playing nice, Trump’s treating it like a shopping spree: “Hmm, maybe I’ll fix this for them if they swear loyalty. Maybe I’ll allow that merger if they laugh at my jokes.”

I overheard a staffer mutter: “By next week, he’ll have Apple’s Tim Cook promising an iPhone branded with his face.” Anything’s possible in this carnival.

CFIUS reviews?

Trump might gut them—if the right CEO blows enough smoke.

Pollster who showed him losing Iowa?

He’s suing them—just to prove the point.

Everyone’s bending over backwards, and Trump’s loving every minute.

Conclusion: The Court of King Trump

From my vantage point, we’ve got a full-blown medieval court scene.

Corporate lords kneel before King Trump, offering tributes and vows of eternal fealty.

Trump, sitting on his metaphorical throne, waves them in one by one, enjoying the power trip.

For the CEOs, what choice do they have, really?

Act tough and risk a presidential temper tantrum on social media, or swallow their pride and praise the “great job” he’s doing?

In the Transitionarium, we roll our eyes, but hey, at least we’re not the ones curtsying in three-piece suits.

Yours in corporate kowtows and gleeful gold-laced mockery,
The Anonymous Transitionarium Insider